Jesus has guided every one of my steps

As life’s stressors indicate the changes that are coming in my life, I’ve been thinking about just how crazy my life must seem to those who don’t fully commit their lives to Jesus and have Him guide them.  I felt the need to share what God has done with me after I read this passage this morning:

 “One generation will commend your works to another;
       they will tell of your mighty acts.”  – Psalm 145:4

So, want to see a loving God in action?  Here’s what He did with me:

1. I was raised Roman Catholic in Rochester, NY.  This firm foundation established my belief in God.

2. In middle school, my nerdy friends and I were picked on to the point where we were fed up and all moved to a new high school.

3. In highschool, I met Kevin, who would become one of my closest friends.

4. I received my Confirmation in the ninth grade (1993), and at the same time personally accepted Jesus into my life as Savior.  I called myself a born-again Catholic.  I still ran my own life, though.

5. Mild bouts of depression began in 1994.  Kevin and other friends helped keep me afloat.

6. I became a Natural Helper in 1995.  This was a peer-counseling program that I was nominated to by my classmates – they recognized I had an ability to listen and help.

7. Kevin’s girlfriend left him – FOR ME.  By the grace of God, he continued to stay friends with us.

8. I graduated Valedictorian in 1997.  Although I had terrible fears of college, I never considered any other choice but to go.  I went to Cornell University.

9. My one and only semester at Cornell was the loneliest period of my life.  The only bright side of that semester was that I discovered my talent at computer programming and web design.  If I did not have a girfriend (from #7), I may have killed myself.  I blamed God for my predicament and depression, and literally told him to “f— off!”  He did. 

10. What followed was a year of clinical depression: sleeping twelve hours a day (during daylight hours), not working, no driver’s license, staying inside almost all the time.  Also during this period my relationship with my girlfriend (same one from #7) changed; the give-and-take of the relationship was one-sided: I took, she gave.  I needed her to live; I sucked the life out of her.  In essence, I worshiped her.  For her own well-being, understandibly, she left me on August 26, 1998.  It was probably the best thing she could have done for me. 

11. THE TURNING POINT.  That same night, I saw that I was at the end of myself.  I realized that was no longer capable of running my own life.  In desparation I cried out to Jesus, begged His forgiveness for all that I had done in the relationship that was sinful, my sloth, and most importantly my turning from Him.  I pleaded with Him to run my life for me, that I would do whatever He told me to do.  When my tears seemed to supernaturally stop, it was as if Jesus said, “You’re on.”  Jesus was now my Lord.

12. My initial reasons for getting my license and a job were to get her back.  God quickly showed me that that time was over.  At my new job I met a Christian named Ted.  After six months had passed he started talking about a Bible school called Elim Bible Institute that was less than an hour from my home.  I had never heard about the place before, but for a month after that first mention I then heard Elim ten times.  I didn’t even know that the children of the pastor at the new church I was attending went there!  God was trying to get my attention, and I obeyed.  I signed up for the year-long program and arrived on August 26, 1999.  Not a coincidence, I assure you.

13. My new  roommate, Greg, just happened to be the same guy my ex-girlfriend (from #7) used to have a crush on during her entire middle school years.  Not a coincidence, I assure you!  I also met two good friends Jon and Lennon. (Now THAT was a coincidence!)

14. Although I thought I’d discover “my calling” at Elim, it appeared that wasn’t to be the case.  When I wasn’t able to come back for another year, I found myself in debt and depressed again.  Lennon had me visit him at home in Bethlehem, PA in an area called the Lehigh Valley.  While there, I fell in love with the town and their church, New Covenant Christian Community.  I suddenly had the feeling that I wanted to live there.  Not knowing how I could do that, I thought about asking Lennon’s parents if I could live with them.  Much too forward a question, I asked God, “If I’m supposed to live with them, then have THEM ask me!” THEY DID. I arrived with no money and $7,000 worth of debt.

15. My first job was in customer service, a call center.  The next was a bank’s customer service call center.

16. I met Bill, a counselor with a private practice operating out of New Covenant.  He would help me battle the depression that had plagued me for so long.

17. I met Bethany at New Covenant.  We quickly became good friends.  Then we fell in love.

18. With frugal living (and almost no rent to pay) I became debt free.  Then I got my first apartment!

19. I wanted to marry Bethany, even though she was still finishing college fifty miles away.  I would need a new job, maybe transfer to a branch of the bank.  We would need an affordable apartment close to her school.  We would need money for a wedding and honeymoon.  It was going to take an act of God for it all to happen.  Well, HE DID IT.

20. A year and a half later, I started feeling restless at the branch.  I was bored, to say the least. Bethany and Bill both seemed to think that I had a gift of counseling, and I was starting to see it and believe it myself (despite #6’s help!).  But how or when would it be my turn to go to school?  Where could I go?  Then I lost my job!  Whoa!  The bank merged with a bigger bank, and they didn’t need me anymore.  Here’s where God did His thing: they would give me a severance package, meaning we still had salary, healthcare and benefits for four more months.  One of those benefits was tuition reimbursement!  DeSales University, here I come!

21. Was it time to move back to Bethlehem, now that my school was far away? Bethany had half a semester left, so she agreed to commute those last few weeks.  We found an affordable, BIG apartment back in the Valley.  And quickly, I might add.

22. Got a part time job with a member of the church as an assistant to a financial advisor.  Looks like the banking jobs paid off!

#22 happened 2 years ago.  Now here we are, just 7 months until I graduate with a Bachelor’s in Psychology.  I’m also going to get another Bachelor’s in computer programming right after that, and it will only take one more year!  (Thanks, Cornell, for the only good thing you gave me.)  The Master’s in Counseling is still a few years away, but on the horizon. 

This path is certainly not the one I thought I’d be on ten years ago.  Sometimes it’s a blow to my pride that “the Valedictorian took ten years to get his college degree.”  Well, I guess I took the road less traveled by then.  As you can see, God is in control, and I think He has a much better idea of what’s going on than I do!  I could have died a long time ago.  God had better plans.  Thank you, Jesus, for saving me from myself!

I hope whoever reads this is helped in realizing that Christianity isn’t just about getting to go to heaven.  It’s also about living the life as the person God created you to be.  All you need to do is let him have the life he died for.  If you don’t know He died for you, then please read this page.

I appreciate any comments if this has meant anything to you.